Running for nothing

I'm about to go running again.
It always feels like I'm about to go to the dentist. And seeing as how I have been running every other day for a couple of months now that's a lot of angst. I read, and hear from my friends how much real runners miss it if they don't go, how much happier it makes them feel, but just don't get it. Feel good when I've finished yeah, but not when I'm doing it.

I'm not running to lose weight as don't need to, to look buff (any attempt to look good is doomed by the inherited arrangement of sensory organs on the front of my skull), and I'm plenty fit enough, but tell myself it's to keep from sinking into sad too easily. On average I guess it must be working as could easily imagine feeling worse - a sure sign you are not at the bottom of that particular well, no matter how lonely.

There is something about running that is just un-enjoyable to me. It's not the physical effort, tougher at my age than for most of course, but then I've worked far harder in my life and for far, far longer periods and didn't feel this kind of trepidation. I suspect it's partly where I run, either round and round a couple of football fields (boring), or up and down (but mainly up - 65% according to Google Earth) some steep hills on local roads (equally boring). Or it might be that I'm purposely running up hills because mentally I really don't like doing that, treating it as more of a mental test than a physical one?

Current scientific opinion seems to think that for the longest part of our existence as humans, we would have evolved partly as chase predators, hunting down, killing or wounding game, then chasing it down if necessary. There are even some reports of hunters literally running animals to death, by tracking them, disturbing them, tracking them again, disturbing them etc, until they collapse in exhaustion, without physically ever being able to keep up with them. We would then have to carry large amounts of the kill back to camp or whatever, which is why we (or maybe just the Wolf we's) respond so quickly to weight training. This would also explain our capacity for fast burst sprinting and for long distance running too. This is reason enough to use our bodies in that manner, and why we suffer over the long-term when we don't. And anyway what's the point of owning the killer-primate version of the V8 if you ain't going to floor the fucker every now and again?

So why not enjoy it? I used to run across the high moors near where I worked and enjoyed that far more. Every single step on the terrain was different, running through a many-coloured landscape that changed seasonally and every step of the way, felt far more challenging and rewarding. Even though the vast majority of the route had even more and steeper hills in it. Perhaps it was an atavistic sense of being in the right place that was being satisfied, and could distract me from the repetitive action involved? There was definitely a weird unconscious zen-like focus in action, deciding where your next step was going to fall on the uneven ground, which presumably occupied more of you head.

Hmm, maybe I should treat my self to the occasional trip up there again. On the other hand, if I started to enjoy it, wouldn't that reduce the mental toughening benefit? Maybe slip a sheet of sandpaper down my shorts. That should do it. On the other hand...

Sorry, got to go. The Wolf has just pointed out that I'm prognosticating and that I should shut up and get outside. Now it's bastard raining. Time to meld with the inner Wolf.
Running, more complicated than you think...